Days 107-109

We took Aerin to Dr. Al-Mateen this morning. She still has a cough and some congestion, so we wanted to make sure everything is okay. Aerin is fine - her lungs are clear, her breathing is nice and slow, her pulse ox was 95%, and she's gained 12 ounces in the last 8 days. She now weighs 7 pounds, 4.5 ounces! Obviously, she's eating extremely well.

Day 106

Aerin had a fussy day. She hadn't pooped in approximately 36 hours, which would make anyone fussy. The doctor said that as long as she was wetting and her appetite was okay, she can go for 2 days without pooping before we have to worry. Of course I worried anyway, but her appetite actually increased and her wetting was normal. She ate 100 cc's at one feeding today and finally pooped twice this evening. She weighs 7 pounds now!

She's been home for almost 2 weeks now and we haven't had any alarms at all, which is awesome. As Aerin gets healthier and bigger, she gets more amazing. She can almost turn herself over from her tummy to her side. She's figured out how to suck her thumb, but it's too tiny to be satisfying, so she prefers her WubbaNub.

Days 104-105

Aerin certainly keeps us hopping. Her feeding take an hour to an hour and a half due to her reflux. She doesn't eat that entire time, she just needs breaks. She and I slept through a feeding today and it threw her schedule off somewhat. She only ate 30 cc's at her 3:00 p.m. feeding, but she made up for it by eating 95 cc's at her next 2 feedings.

We are constantly amazed at how strong and alert she is. She will look for the source of noises like keys jingling or Momma's voice and she can push herself up with her arms and legs.

I am so happy to have her home this Hanukkah. I prayed for this the entire time she was in the NICU - it was my secret hope. I hope that y'all's Hanukkah is as happy as ours is.

Day 103

I am happy to report that Aerin continues to thrive at home. She's eating extremely well and sleeping in her bassinet for decent clips. We took a 3-hour nap together - she still sleeps best with her Momma.

Merry Christmas to all of our friends who celebrate.

Day 102

Aerin is sleeping peacefully in her bassinet, so I'm taking advantage. She's going down much more, which is a great help to me. Not that I don't love holding her and cuddling her, but sometimes I have to do things like eat and use the bathroom. Every day she does something new and adorable. Yesterday she grabbed hold of my shirt when I was feeding her and held on until she was done. Her grasp reflex is very strong - I've had to stop wearing necklaces.

Aerin is feeling better. Dr. Al-Mateen adjusted her medication and it's made a huge difference. She now gets Zantac every other feed for her reflux, instead of twice a day. She's also on Reglan, Mylicon, iron, and multivitamins. We give her the meds with syringes and she takes them easily, except for the vitamins. I don't blame her - they probably taste as bad as they smell. I mix them with a little bit of milk to make them go down easier. Dr. Al-Mateen's nurse, Tammy, could not get over how big and beautiful Aerin's gotten.

Yesterday I had to run some errands at Henrico Doctor's Hospital and I visited the NICU. Everyone was happy to see me and thrilled to hear that Aerin is home again. I was talking to Dr. Sequira, who was at Aerin's delivery, and he was amazed at how advanced she is. It was weird being back there, but it was good, too. It reminds me of how far Aerin has come and how remarkably well she has done.

Days 100-101

Sorry we neglected to post yesterday. There wasn't much to report on anyway: only that Aerin got high marks from her pedriatrician, Dr. Al-Mateen, and weighs 6 lbs., 8 oz.! She's been home a whole week. That's her longest stretch out of the hospital ever! Yesterday's trip to St. Francis, home of Swift Creek Pediatrics, does not count.

While Kira ran some errands this morning, Aerin and her dad were left to fend for themselves.

Day 99

Aerin is a remarkable baby. Not only does she make eye contact, but she's able to track objects. She loves to stare at her momma, especially when she's eating, and today she looked at her daddy. Yesterday, she astounded me. I was holding her on my chest and she pushed herself up with her arms and held her head up and looked at me. I couldn't believe it. She has excellent neck control and a very strong grasp. She's eating very well and getting bigger every day.

She did not want to stay in her bassinet today, so Momma and Daddy held her. She's in her sling right now.

Yesterday Aerin got to meet her Aunt Cara for the first time, which was very exciting.

We're going to see Dr. Al-Mateen tomorrow morning and Aerin will get her second RSV vaccine.

Day 97

Today is Aerin's due date. She celebrated by eating a ton, sleeping in her bassinet for a couple of hours, taking a nap with Momma, and making the biggest poop I've ever seen.

Aerin is very advanced for a newborn - she can hold her head up and makes great eye contact. She focuses on objects for significant periods of time. She's also a Momma's Girl and will look around for me when she hears my voice.

It's a bittersweet day for me. It's wonderful to have our baby home with us, but I can't help thinking about what it would have been like if I had carried Aerin to term. The important thing is that she's healthy and thriving.

Day 96

Aerin had a good day at home. She spent most of it in her Maya wrap, which is a godsend. We're trying to get her used to sleeping in her bassinet or Pack n' Play, but she'll only go down if she's extra tired. She slept in the bassinet for 3 hours last night and about 1 hour today, which is progress. I also gave her a bath today, which she didn't like at all. However, it's much quicker and easier to bathe her at home - I have a great infant bathtub and much more room than in the hospital.

I also put my infant scale to use. Aerin is now 6 pounds and 2 ounces.

Day 95: Seriously

Aerin is doing wonderfully at home. She is eating and sleeping well and even slept in her Pack n' Play for a couple of hours. Mostly she likes to be held and snuggled and we are happy to oblige. She has gotten so big that we had to remove the preemie headrest from her car seat and readjust the straps. She is a whopping 6 pounds!

We have two wonderful nurses her, helping us out with Aerin - Anais and Rennie. We want to make sure that Aerin remains healthy. We're all hospitaled out.

Day 95

Aerin has grown so much since her first homecoming. We had to take her home by other means this time.

Day 94

Aerin is being discharged from the hospital today! We're picking her up at noon!

Day 93

I am thrilled to announce that Aerin has been off oxygen since 9:00 a.m.!! Her pulse ox is 97% and she's doing great. We're looking at discharge tomorrow or Friday!

Day 92

Aerin had a great day. She had a test to see if she had any micro reflux, which involves aspirating milk into her lungs and it was negative. She was on room air (21%) all day long. Now we just have to get her off the flow, which is at .75 liters. She gained 2 more ounces and is all the way up to 5 pounds, 14 ounces.

Day 91

Aerin is three months old today!

She was on room air for about an hour and didn't go above 30% oxygen. She was on 25% the entire time I was there. She spent some more time sleeping in her sling. She also had a chest x-ray, which looked good.

Day 90

Aerin is down to 30% oxygen over .25 liters. That's basically just a little breeze. She's up to 5 pounds, 12 ounces.

She's 39 weeks gestational today and we had a milestone - Aerin went in her sling for the first time. My friend, Jenna, gave me a Maya Wrap, but I couldn't use it until Aerin was over 5 pounds. Well, she fell asleep in it and woke up when I got up and walked around (although I couldn't go far because of her leads and the oxygen). Now I can hold her and have both hands free, which is especially nice because Aerin doesn't like to be put down.

Day 89

Aerin has completely charmed the St. Mary's PICU nursing staff. Every time we come in, a nurse is holding her and cooing at her. Even nurses who don't have her come in to fuss over her. She gets cuter every day. Bigger, too - she's up to 5 pounds, 10.8 ounces! She's on 30% oxygen over .75 liters.

Day 88

Slowly, but surely, Aerin is getting well. She's down to 32% oxygen over 1 liter (down from 1.5 liters). She's eating like a champ and is all the way up to 5.5 pounds! We're hoping she'll get up to 6 pounds by her due date, which is rapidly approaching. It looks like she'll be home again early next week.

Day 87

Aerin's recovery is progressing very nicely. She's down to 35% oxygen on the cannula and she's eating like a champ. Andrew fed her this morning and she took 80 cc's, which is the most that she's ever eaten! She only took 50 cc's at the next feeding, which is her average. It looks like she'll be home before her due date after all.

Day 86: Good Morning

According to Aerin's day nurse, she is doing "great" (Aerin, not the nurse). She's eating plenty, and getting by on very little extra oxygen. Now that she's turned the corner, she's gaining weight again. At 5 lbs., 4 oz. she's gained about 6 oz. in a week (she had dropped a couple of ounces before going to the hospital). Now, the doctors and nurses at St. Mary's agree that Aerin's a "fighter", as Kira and I have known for nearly three months.

Day 85

Good news! Aerin was extubated at 11:30 a.m. today. She's on a nasal cannula and doing well on 40% oxygen, though she is a little hoarse. She's still getting respiratory therapy every 2 hours. The respiratory tech pounds (gently) on her back with a little rubber cup to loosen the mucus and to keep it from building up. Aerin absolutely loves it - she satted 100 the entire time. Aerin is thrilled to be eating again and inhaled 40 cc's on her first bottle. I finally got to hold her and feed her and it was indescribable.

Day 84

Aerin is making good progress. She's doing well on the new vent settings and has gone down from 50% oxygen to 35% oxygen. They're going to extubate her tomorrow or Wednesday. She's still getting Lasix to get rid of the excess fluids. Her feeds are back to every 3 hours (rather than continuous) and she's tolerating them well.

Day 83: Delayed

It turns out that Aerin probably won't be extubated on Monday. There's nothing really wrong; the doctors want to give her some time to recover on it, as she seems to be very comfortable with the current ventilator settings. She's still improving gradually; a couple of days ago, her secretions became clearer; then they became less copious; now they are "thinner." Her puffiness is subsiding a bit as well. Anyway, the plan is still to extubate her sometime this week. Being on a ventilator at this stage is nowhere near the problem it can be at birth. Certainly for a 26-weeker, the ventilator can cause lung-scarring and brain bleeds, and the weaning process can be difficult. None of those things are issues this time around, fortunately.

Day 82: Belated

Aerin is still improving. Her settings on the ventilator are being turned down slowly, with an eye toward extubation on Monday. If she gets the tube out and does well, she's probably looking at 4-7 more days in the hospital. Among other things, she has to get back to full bottle feeds, and that takes time. There are "signs" that her illness is subsiding; she seems to be coughing less, and her secretions have decreased. Yesterday, she was getting suction every couple of hours, rather than every hour.

Day 81

There have been some very slight improvements in Aerin's condition. Her secretions are clearer and less in volume. Her chest x-ray was a bit better, especially after they changed the position of her tube. She's getting Lasix to help get rid of the fluids that have built up inside her (she's quite puffy). She is also back on feeds and getting 8 cc's every hour.

Day 80

Aerin's condition is about the same. The respiratory technician said that her lungs sound better, which is good. She had a central line put in early this morning, to make it easier to do tests and dispense meds. She is sedated and blissfully unaware of what is happening, which is a great comfort to us.

We so appreciate all of the prayers and good thoughts that so many people have been sending to Aerin. Please keep it up and hopefully we'll have our baby home again soon.

Day 79: Hanging in There

Aerin's lungs are somewhat less "squeaky." They are going to start increasing her feeds; we'll see how she handles it. Not that it matters terribly, but they haven't quite nailed down what ails her. All of the tests have come up negative so far, but those results aren't definitive. Whatever it is, Dr. Dhillon says, it will probably run its course in 3-4 days or 7 days.

Day 78: Not Such a Good Day

Aerin had to be rehospitalized today. It turns out that what we all thought was a head cold was something worse. She has come down with a pretty bad infection, although she is now stable and comfortable. Today, she was a little pale, lethargic, and not eating very much. So we took her to the pediatrician's office. There, she weighed in a couple of ounces lighter and had an apnea episode. Dr. Cantor decided she that she should go to St. Mary's.

Kira rode along in the ambulance (which was used just to be on the safe side), and I met them there. After being admitted, she required a lot of suction, and the doctors decided to intubate her. The prognosis is very good. She most likely has a viral infection, probably RSV. That means that antibiotics won't help her. The course for her is help with breathing until she can beat this on her own. We have no doubt that she will, but good, and make it home by her due date after all. We just weren't expecting her to make it home before then for a second time.

Day 77

Poor Aerin still has her cold, but it's not getting worse. What with all the germs floating around these days, I guess it's not the best time of the year to be a baby, especially one that's not even supposed to be born yet!

Aerin is the nicest baby I know. She's very mellow and easygoing - most of the time. She's pretty much content sleeping between feedings and diaper changes.

Day 76

Aerin is holding her own here at home. Dr. Cantor says that her cold may last from 7-10 days, but I'm hoping it won't be that long. We're running a cool-mist humidifier and giving her saline nose drops, both of which seem to be helping. She's eating like a champ and doesn't have a fever, which is great. It can be a bit overwhelming taking care of a sick infant, but I have a lot of help. Andrew is a great daddy and having my mother here is a blessing.

Day 75

A little bit of bad news to report today: Aerin has a head cold. It's not serious at all, and the doctor laughed and mocked us when we wondered whether Aerin should be readmitted.

A little bit of good news: Aerin's weighs five pounds!

Day 74: Catching Up

Sorry we didn't get around to posting an entry yesterday. Our hands are a bit full!Happy belated Thanksgiving to all! Yesterday went very well, as Aerin is sleeping a bit in between feedings. We didn't have much of a Thanksgiving celebration, but it was still the best Thanksgiving we could ask for. Grandma Elizabeth arrived in town and is helping us out a great deal. Kira is sleeping when she can and is getting into a good routine.

This morning we took Aerin for her first check-up at the pediatrician's office. We met with Dr. Cantor, who filled in for Dr. Al-Mateen's. Aerin weighed in there at 4 lbs., 14 oz.; that's a considerable gain since she left the hospital, and a very good sign. As usual, the doctor was very impressed with all of the progress Aerin has made.

Day 72: Even Later

Day 72: Later

Day 72

Day 71: Homecoming Eve

Aerin gained 2 ounces last night. I'm so glad that she did - I was worried because she didn't gain the last time we roomed in. We had a much better night that the first one. Aerin got her new apnea monitor (the one we'll be taking home) and it didn't ring off once. It's not attached to her with sticky leads. The leads are velcroed to a band, which is wrapped around her chest. It's much more comfortable for her and it obviously works better, too. I got about 2 hours of sleep.

Our travel system finally arrived today. We put it together and it's ready to go. We brought it to the hospital and they did a seat check. They put Aerin in the infant carrier/car seat for 30 minutes to make sure the position didn't make her desat. She did just fine, although she wasn't sure that she liked it. Seeing her in the seat reminded me how small she is - we pulled the straps as tight as they will go and they just fit her.

Our pediatrician, Dr. Al-Mateen, stopped by to say hello. I was nursing, so he didn't get a close look at Aerin, but he'll be seeing plenty of her soon enough.

Grandma Rita went back to New York City today. We loved having her here and she helped us so much with preparing the house for Aerin's arrival. Grandma Elizabeth is coming up on Thanksgiving Day to help us with the transition.

I feel nervous, but calm. This is the end of a long, long wait. I've been waiting my whole life to be a mother and I've waited 71 days for my baby to be home where she belongs.

Day 71: We Jumped the Gun

It turns out that Aerin needs to stay one more night. There's absolutely nothing wrong; she just needs a routine eye exam before discharge. We were told that today was the day, but there was a bit of confusion, evidently. We're sorry we got everyone's hopes up, but it's still just a mere matter of hours. And it gives us a little more time to get ready; we're still waiting for UPS.

Day 70: What Time is Check-Out?

Kira is rooming in again tonight, and we are expecting Aerin to be discharged tomorrow. Fortunately UPS is delivering the car seat/stroller set tomorrow, and it will be put to use immediately. Well, once Aerin's home, she's probably not going anywhere before her first appointment with the pediatrician. Everything else is ready; the house is spotless, thanks to Kira and my mom (no thanks to Reggie and Marlowe).

Tomorrow will be the 100th, and hopefully the last, day in a row I've been to the hospital, but there's no comparison to what Kira and Aerin have been through.

Day 69

I can't believe my baby will be home for Thanksgiving. Even 3 weeks ago, I would never have thought she'd be home this soon. She's up to 4.5 pounds.

I have to admit to feeling a bit nervous. I had a long talk with Dr. Rose, who assured me that they would never discharge her if she wasn't ready. Dr. Rose pointed out that Aerin is mature. She can regulate her body temperature and eat - both of which are impossible to do if one's brain is immature. She hasn't had any bradys or apneas in over a month. In fact, she's no longer wearing a pulse ox probe. It makes diaper changes a lot easier.

Andrew and I went shopping with Grandma Rita today and got almost all the things that Aerin will need when she comes home - bassinet, diaper genie, scale, Pack n' Play, etc. I feel much better having all of those things ready to go. It seems so surreal that there's a bassinet next to my bed and a Pack n' Play in my dining room.

I'm rooming in again tomorrow night. They're going to give us the good monitor to start with, so I'm looking forward to a better night. It's hard to sleep when a brain-slicing alarm goes off every 10 minutes for no reason at all. It was both wonderful and scary to be on my own with Aerin. We really bonded during her 11:00 p.m. bottle, when it was just the 2 of us, without the crowd and noise of the PCN.

I'm going to try to get some sleep while I still can.

Day 69: The Hour Draws Near

Aerin has all but worn out her welcome at the hospital. After so many weeks with no end in sight, she's 4.5 lbs. and off the oxygen monitor, with nary a tube or piece of tape on her beautiful face. We're fairly certain she'll be home Tuesday.

Day 68: The Aftermath

Kira did a spectacular job last night rooming in with Aerin, as her craven husband fled to "look after the dogs." The staff was nice enough to find a cozy room just across the hall from the PCN where Kira could have a go at taking care of Aerin all night long. Unfortunately, Aerin's apnea monitor kept losing its signal. Each time, it would sound an alarm shrill enough to rouse dogs sleeping miles away. Eventually, the nurses gave in and swapped the monitor out for a better one. Aerin's Momma will room in at least once more before the discharge.

Aerin was a little tired from the experience as well, but she had a good day otherwise. Grandma Rita is in town again; she got to hold Aerin for the first time. It was a thrill to see that.

Yours truly had a big day as well. Aerin's dad gave her a bottle feeding and diaper change for the first time.

Day 67: Rooming In

There won't be a blog entry tonight because I am rooming in! I will be spending the night in the hospital with Aerin. It will be the first time I've ever been alone with my baby. I want to room in for more than 1 night, which they are very open to.

We're looking at Monday or Tuesday for possible discharge dates. Aerin is getting her Hepatitis B vaccination today, which is something they give to babies shortly before discharge. Two months ago, I would never have thought that my baby would be home by Thanksgiving. I am so very thankful this year!

Day 66

Aerin had a somewhat better day today. We nursed 3 times in a row and she did very well. She did 25 minutes for the first 2 times and 15-20 minutes the last time. She refused a bottle after the first 2 times, but did take 8 cc's after the last. She was a bit fussy during the last session, so I wasn't surprised that she wanted a bit more. She's completely off tube feedings as of today. The next step is to wean her off the blow-by during the feeds. It's also the last step - she goes home after that.

Before we take her home, I'll be rooming in for a couple of days at the hospital. They give us a hospital room and I stay there with Aerin. That way, I do my first solo run with the doctors and nurses around the corner.

I also discovered that Aerin likes to be rocked. We already have a rocking chair, so that's one thing I can cross off my list.

Aerin continues to gain weight, even with all her hard work feeding. She's at 4 pounds, 6.8 ounces!

Day 65

Aerin had a so-so day. Dr. Rose changed her feeding schedule - she now gets 2 out of 3 feeds from a bottle or breast. I'm allowed to nurse her 3 times each day, starting tomorrow. We nursed twice today. The first time, 5:00 p.m., did not go well. Aerin was extremely fussy and only did about 10 minutes (she got 18 cc's through her tube). She was having gas and reflux at the same time, which would make anyone upset. I had asked Dr. Rose if we could try Mylicon for the gas and she had approved it. It arrived from the pharmacy just as Aerin was at her fussiest. Aerin's nurse, Gina, gave her the drops, unhooked her from the monitors, and let me walk around the PCN with her. I don't know if it was the Mylicon or the walking, but Aerin calmed down instantly. It was as if someone had thrown a switch.

The next breastfeeding session was much better. Beth, my lactation consultant (and a NICU nurse), was there and I guess Aerin wanted to put on a good show for her. She fussed a little at first, but then settled down and nursed for 25 minutes. I gave her a bottle afterwards and she didn't drink any of it. That is going to be the new policy - offer a bottle after breastfeeding. Since overfeeding can aggravate reflux, the doctors want to let Aerin decide if she's still hungry after breastfeeding.

We were startled to find out today that we might be able to take Aerin home in less than 2 weeks. She'll probably move to all bottle or breast feeds in the next 4 days and that's her only issue. She might be held back because she sometimes needs oxygen during bottle feeds. It's delivered through "blow-by" - we just hold the oxygen tube near her nose while she eats. It is, as always, up to her. Andrew and I will be taking infant CPR, which I highly recommend for the parents of all babies - preemie or term. We've passed almost everything else on the discharge checklist (diapering, bath, etc.). Aside from CPR, we just have to bring our car seat in for inspection. It is due to arrive on Tuesday, so we'll take care of that.

I'm still reeling from the thought of her coming home so soon. It's something I wouldn't let myself think about for so long and now it's so close.

Day 64: Prematurity Awareness Day

Aerin continues to ace all of her tests. Her retick count is extremely high, which is excellent. It means that she'll pull herself out of the anemia that much faster. Her chest x-ray was completely normal. She passed her hearing test today! It's pretty rare for a preemie to pass on the first test and the technician was very impressed. I'm very relieved - I was in the NICU the last time the technician came to do hearing tests and no one she tested passed (Aerin couldn't be tested then because she was still in the isolette). Any degree of hearing loss can impair a child's ability to speak, so I'm thrilled that Aerin won't have those problems.

I spoke with Dr. Rose today. She hadn't seen Aerin in a couple of weeks and was amazed at how big and healthy she is now. She really has gotten the best possible outcome in every single area.

In other news, my diaper bag arrived today and our stroller shipped. Looking at my diaper bag (Fleurville Mothership - Pink Stripe) helps me to remember that she really will come home soon. Going back and forth to the hospital can get wearying, so it's nice to have concrete reminder that there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't forget to celebrate Prematurity Awareness Day 2005. The March of Dimes has many ways for people to help in the fight against prematurity - from wearing awareness wristbands to writing to Congress.

Day 63

Aerin is 9 weeks old today and weighs 4 pounds, 5.4 ounces. She breastfed for about 25 minutes. They give her 18 cc's through her tube after she nurses, just in case. Her crit is low (32), but she's reticking (creating more red blood cells) well all on her own, so she won't need any more transfusions. It's nice to have those behind us.

Don't forget, November 15th is Prematurity Awareness Day. You can find ways to show your support at the March of Dimes web site.

Day 62

Another milestone today - Aerin is 35 weeks gestational. She weighs four pounds, 3.5 ounces and is 16.0125 inches long. She was extra super adorable today and was in a pretty mellow mood. She's been off the caffeine since Wednesday and we'll know this Wednesday if she'll be able to tolerate being off it (it takes 7 days to get out of your system). The caffeine helped her remember to breathe, so we'll see if she still needs reminding.

She did better at the breast today - 25 minutes. I just love nursing her. She's so peaceful when she's nursing and usually falls asleep. Her warm little body is snuggled up against me and everything is right with the world.

Day 61: 2 Months Old!

Aerin is 2 months old today!

She did better at the breast - she went strong for 20 minutes before she conked out. She's doing well with the bottle feeds, too. She gets 38 cc's now and it shows - she's up to 4 pounds, 2.2 ounces.

Andrew and I bought our travel system today (stroller/car seat/baby carrier combination). I'm so excited for it to arrive, but I'm more excited for the day when we wheel Aerin out of the hospital in it.

Day 60

Today was pretty uneventful. Aerin ate for 10 minutes at the breast, then fell asleep. The nurses say that she's doing great, but I'm frustrated. This is the last step before she can come home and I want her to get there right now. I know I have to be patient, but easier said than done.

We do have some big news - Aerin is 4 pounds (4 pounds, 0.06 ounces, to be exact)!

Day 59

Aerin is 0.3 ounces away from 4 pounds (she's 3 pounds, 15.7 ounces). It seems like she's teasing us. She had a pretty good day, aside from some fussiness due to gas and reflux. She nursed at 2:00 p.m. and went strong for 15 minutes, then fizzled out. She was still hungry and chugged 15 cc's from a bottle. She took all but 2 cc's of her 8:00 p.m. bottle. She's on a 3 bottle, 1 breast, 4 tube schedule - she gets a tube feeding every other feed.

I bought diapers at the Kroger today (Pampers Swaddlers - Newborn Size). I almost cried, I was so happy. I've waited so long to have a baby to buy diapers for and I've waited so long for her to come home.

Day 58

She did it. Aerin nursed successfully and got an entire nutritional feeding. Thank goodness for lactation consultants - Beth helped so much. We tried using a breast shield and that was all it took. She can latch onto the nipple without the shield, but her mouth is so small that it's very hard work for her to elongate the nipple. As Beth put it, there's no such thing as a preemie-sized breast. The breast shield fixes that problem and she ate like a champ for the entire 30 minutes. She seems to like it better than the bottle, although she slept during most of it. Nursing is so much better than pumping - there's really no comparison. She and I are perfectly at peace during and after nursing.

Aerin has entered a phase where she won't go to sleep unless someone is holding her. I think it's adorable and am always happy to oblige her. She's a big girl now - 3 pounds, 14.66 ounces.

Day 57: It Just Keeps Getting Better

The good news keeps coming in floods. Today was a monumental day for our entire family. Aerin came off the cannula! No more supplemental oxygen. It was the first time I've ever seen her without her nasal tube (except for when she was on the vent) and she looks even more beautiful without it. We also got the results of 2 important tests back. Her head ultrasound is completely normal. That's her 3rd normal head ultrasound and Dr. Weisberg told me that we can basically rule out any chance of brain bleeds or damage. She had an eye test and her ROP resolved itself! I have to admit that I was worrying about that one. The only test she has left is her hearing test. I don't know when it will be, but hopefully within the next week or so.

Earlier this evening, Aerin nursed for the very first time. She latched on immediately and managed a few sucks. As her nurse, Nancy, said, this is exceptional for a first attempt. She dry-nursed while they gave her a full tube feed, so that she can connect the breast with filling her tummy. She did a couple of sucks during the feed and a couple right after and it wore her out. I loved it and cannot wait until she's nursing exclusively. Nancy said that she has a really good chance to go home nursing. The lactation consultant, Beth, is going to sit in with us tomorrow. I've worked with Beth to increase my production and she's great. She's also a nurse in the NICU. (Incidentally, today I helped her find nursing pamphlets in Spanish for a patient who speaks no English. I can't believe I remembered enough, but it just came back to me.)

It was a truly precious event for our little family. After making sure Aerin was positioned correctly and her feeding was hooked up, Nancy left Andrew, Aerin, and me alone in the Bonding Room. We've waited so long and it was so natural for us all to be together while I fed the baby. I can't wait till we can be together like that in our home.

Day 56

Aerin just keeps getting better and better. She is up to 36 cc's with her feeds and hasn't desatted in days. She's now allowed to eat as much as she wants with each bottle feed. She took 25 cc's with the morning bottle and all 36 with the evening bottle. Her reflux was better today, too. She's up to 3 pounds, 12.4 ounces.

November 15th is Prematurity Awareness Day.

Day 55: More Changes

I am feeling overwhelmed with all the rapid changes Aerin is going through. It's a good kind of overwhelmed, because all of the changes are good ones. She's down to 0.1 liter of oxygen and tolerating it beautifully. She's still on room air, which is astounding. She's barely needing any supplemental oxygen at all. After watching all those desats, I'm still thrilled to look at her monitor and see her pulse ox in the 90s. She does get turned up for feeds, though, so she won't have to work to breathe and can concentrate all her energy on eating. She's doing wonderfully with her bottles and took all of her yesterday evening one and all but 1 cc of this mornings.

The big news is that she finally moved into a bassinet! They're monitoring her temperature to make sure she can keep herself warm and so far, so good. I can hardly believe that I can stare at her all I want and there isn't a plastic wall between us. We can hold her pretty much whenever we want now and I'm going to build some huge arm muscles because I'm never putting her down.

Day 54: Matriculation

Today Aerin gave us the best anniversary present we ever got - she moved up to the PCN (Progressive Care Nursery). We found out when we went in for her morning bottle (she took half of it and all of her evening bottle) that she was going up today. Even though I knew she was on the list, I was still surprised. She went up at 3:00 p.m.

It's very different up there. Aerin is the only baby in an isolette and the other babies are all so big. There are hardwood floors, which make the unit look less clinical. There are more windows, too. The nurses are as nice and professional as the ones in the NICU. I have yet to meet a nurse who isn't nice and extremely competent at Henrico Doctors'.

Aerin had a great day. She had the excitement of her first elevator ride and is still on room air (21%) at 0.3 liters. She is nearing the 4 pound mark - she's 3 pounds, 11.7 ounces.

Day 53: Big Baby Steps

It's not every day that the NICU doctor gets on the phone with you just to say how happy he is with your baby's progress! Dr. Falterman said that Aerin is now a PCN candidate. It's now just a matter of securing a crib for her up there.

"What's that? a crib?" you ask. Yes, she should come out of the isolette any day now. She's about ready, but she's been weathering so many changes recently that something just has to wait. She's been weaning down to room air on the cannula (most of the time). She's gone up to 32 ccs per feeding, and she now gets two bottles per day (soon to be three). Her feedings have been sped up to 30 minutes; it wasn't too long ago that her feedings lasted 90 minutes.

Finally, she gained weight yet again, tipping the scale this evening at 3 lbs. 10.2 oz.

Day 52: Much Better

What a difference a day makes. Aerin is so much better. Dr. Seguira gave new orders that really helped her. He figured out that she should be getting only half her feed in the bottle. Otherwise, she gets the entire feed over 30 minutes, instead of an hour. That is too fast - it's no wonder she was refluxing more than usual. He also ordered the milk thickener for her tube feeds (she was already getting it in her bottles). She got all the way down to 25% on her oxygen, which is the lowest she's ever gone on the cannula. That is so incredible. Just yesterday she was desatting at 60-70%. She also gained weight again - she's up to 3 pounds, 8.7 ounces.

We went to the parents' meeting this evening. We were the "veterans" there - we had the most premature baby, and she's been in the NICU the longest. The nurse, Tammy, even described us as being "7.5 weeks in." It really helps to talk to people who are going throught the same thing we are. It also helps to have so many people supporting us, online and off. Thanks, everyone.

Day 51

I'm pretty tired, so it's going to be a short update. I gave Aerin a bottle today for the first time. Actually, I gave her 2 bottles. She took all 30 cc's with the morning one and 28 cc's with the evening one. I love feeding her - it's the best bonding we've done. She kept stopping to stare at me during the morning one and it was very adorable. She got the hiccups at one point and looked at me like, "What do I do?"

Her reflux just goes on and on. She desats for a hour after each feeding because of it. It's not a big deal medically, but it's upsetting for me. Since she brings her numbers up herself, the doctors aren't worried. I never anticipated her getting reflux and I really wish it would go away. My schedule is changing a lot, since I want to be the one to feed her and she gets her bottles 8-12 hours apart.

She's back up to 3 pounds, 6.3 ounces.

Day 50

Aerin took 2 entire bottles today! Her first was at 11:00 a.m. and her second was at 11:00 p.m. The morning bottle was 29 cc's and the evening bottle was 30 cc's. It was amazing to watch such a teeny baby eating so much. She's really a natural. The speech therapist is going to teach me how to feed her tomorrow. You have to hold her in a very specific way, so that she is in the optimal position to swallow and breathe. You also have to burp in a specific way - not pat her on the back like you would with a term baby. I'm so happy to finally be able to feed her myself, instead of a pump or a nurse.

The goal is to replace all 8 tube feedings with bottle feedings.

She's at 2 bottle feedings a day and she'll move up to 3 in 2 days. Her tube feedings are only spaced out over an hour now, down from 90 minutes. It hasn't caused her reflux to increase, thank G-d. She has about the same amount of reflux (mild) with the bottle that she does with the tube. The bottle is hard work for her. She is exhausted when she's done and sleeps very deeply. That's great for her - she doesn't usually sleep that deeply. She lost an ounce, which is to be expected after all that hard work. She's 3 pounds, 5 ounces.

She still had her bath today and she did fine. I did most of it myself, with the nurse and Andrew looking on. Afterwards, I held her upright to help with her reflux. She looks extra adorable when she's all clean and dressed in fresh clothes and swaddled up in a soft blankie.

Best Halloween Ever!

Today was the second best day of my life. It is 7 weeks since the best day of my life - the day Aerin was born. I am still in joyous shock that she ate so much on her very first try. She would have eaten even more, but her breathing became shallow, so they felt it was best to stop. She got the rest through her feeding tube. The suck-swallow-breathe is hard for a preemie and they usually start out with just a few cc's. I knew she had a strong suck, but I thought she might have problems breathing and swallowing at the same time, especially since she's just getting used to the cannula. She was in the 30s percentage-wise all day long, by the way.

The good news kept on coming. She gained weight again -she's 3 pounds, 6 ounces! She's obviously turned a corner and it's so thrilling. Her day nurse, Tara, said that she's so on-target developmentally that it's scary.

I'm a little brokenhearted that I wasn't there for her first bottle. There's no set schedule for when the speech therapist comes to the NICU, so the nurses couldn't tell me when she'd be evaluating Aerin. She checked Aerin's mouth to be sure that everything was structurally sound and it was. You can bet that I'm going to be there for the bottle tomorrow. She only gets 1 per day for a while.

The next step is moving out of her isolette to an open-air crib.

Day 49: Marx News Alert

Aerin drank from a bottle for the first time at around noon today, chugging 17 ccs.

Happy Halloween!

Day 48

Aerin is 33 weeks gestational today and she did well. At one point, she got all the way down to 35% on the cannula. Andrew kangarooed her, but I didn't hold her - too much stimulation.

Aerin had another big weight gain - she's up to 3 pounds, 4.38 ounces. Some of that may be water retention from the sodium supplements, but who knows? She does seem to be outgrowing her clothes.

Day 47: Later

Aerin is doing well on the cannula. She's hovering between 40% and 50% oxygen, which is great for her first full day on 0.5 liter. Her weight is holding steady at 3 pounds, 1 ounce. She had a blood gas yesterday and everything was perfect. Her sodium has been a little low for the past couple of days, so they're giving her a supplement. It's making her a little puffy, which is great - she almost looks chubby. Her eyes are turning newborn blue and they're beautiful. We won't know her true eye color until she's at least term.

My friend Tracy asked what are the target weights/conditions we need to take her home and I know a lot of people are wondering the same thing. She has to be at least 4 pounds, but that is the most basic condition. She has to be breathing on her own without any supplemental oxygen and no apnea or brady episodes for at least 2 weeks. Her blood gases and electrolytes have to be perfect. She has to be eating on her own - bottle or breast (hopefully breast). Basically, she has to be completely stable.

However, there is a step-up nursery she'll go to before coming home. It's call the PCN - Progressive Care Nursery. It's the nursery for babies who no longer need intensive care, but aren't ready to go home. We're hoping she'll get there in the next month.

Day 47

Aerin is still doing well on the cannula. She might well be off Vapotherm for good this time. The next step after this would be, well, nothing; no cannula, no extra oxygen.

Aerin gained another 50 grams, clearing the 3 pound mark for the first time. As of last night, she weights 3 lbs, 1.4 oz. At this rate, she is projected to reach this size by 2006.

Congratulations to our cousin Hallie, who has her Bat-Mitzvah in New York today! We're so sorry we couldn't make it.

Day 46

Today is a big day. I didn't get to dry nurse Aerin, but that's because they switched her to the cannula! This time she seems to be tolerating it much better - it's been about 3 hours and she's not desatting. She's still getting a bath later on, which they wouldn't do if she wasn't stable.

She could still need to go back on the Vapotherm, so we're being cautiously optimistic.

Day 45

Aerin did well today. Her oxygen was the same and her feeds are the same. She's still having some reflux and they're still treating it. Andrew kangarooed her and I cradle-held. It's so nice that we both can hold her in the same day - she's big enough that being taken out of the isolette doesn't stress her out.

Aerin's new clothes from the Preemie Store came and she looks adorable. They're still a bit big,but she'll grow into them. The NICU administrative assistant, Nola, gave Aerin very sweet some hats that her daughter grew out of, which was extraordinarily nice of her.

The big news for today is that Aerin had another big weight gain and now weighs 2 pounds, 15.7 ounces. That's just .3 ounces away from 3 pounds! Now this is a very big weight gain, so it won't be surprising if she loses some weight tomorrow. Andrew is hoping she'll get to 3 pounds by the end of the month and she just might.

In other news, a giant Mazel Tov to my friend Nicole who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Samuel, on Friday, September 21st. Mother and baby are both happy and healthy.

Day 44

Aerin had a really good day. She stayed in the 20s on the Vapotherm all day long. I got to cradle-hold her and Andrew got to kangaroo. I am never happier than when I am holding her in my arms and staring at her beautiful face.

She is finally gaining weight again - she's at 2 pounds, 13.2 ounces! She's so close to 3 pounds. We just cannot wait.

Aerin has a pediatrician! Andrew and I met Dr. Al-Mateen today and we couldn't be more pleased. We were referred to him by Lisa, one of our NICU nurses, and every other nurse I've mentioned him to raves. He used to work at the Henrico Doctors' NICU before opening a pediatrics practice. He is extremely familiar with all of the issues that Aerin will be facing when she comes home and his credentials are second-to-none. It feels great to know that Aerin will continue to have the best care after she leaves the NICU.

Day 43: Eye Exam

Today Aerin had her first eye exam. I think it was worse for me than it was for her. The eye doctor, Dr. Carruthers, put numbing eye drops in her eyes before conducting the exam so she wouldn't feel any pain. She was, however, very annoyed by the light he had to shine in her eyes and she let the world know it. Frankly, it was a struggle not to pull the doctor away from her and beat him to the ground.

Aerin has Stage I Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP), which is what you'd expect in a preemie of her gestational age. The doctor viewed it as good news and told me that there's no chance she'll be blind and almost zero chance she'll need surgery. It will probably resolve itself. Our NICU has had almost no cases of ROP, so I'm not too worried.

Aerin also had her bath today and she loved it. She was so worn out from all the crying she did during the eye exam that she was happy to relax in the tub. Actually, it's more like a small bucket. She went right to sleep after I tucked her into her freshly-made bed.

Andrew and I are interviewing a pediatrician tomorrow. The NICU nurses recommended him - he used to work in the NICU. He left to open his own pediatrics practice. I really think I'll feel more comfortable with a pediatrician who used to be a neonatologist. I think he'll understand her special issues more than a regular pediatrician. The nurses haven't steered me wrong yet.

Lastly, Aerin regained all the weight she lost and is back up to 2 pounds, 12 ounces.

Day 42: Six Weeks Old!

Aerin is 6 weeks old today. The time has just flown by, but I can't wait until she's ready to come home. She's still doing well with her oxygen and feedings. She's still refluxing, but the Reglan and longer feedings are taking care of it.

One issue we're dealing with is her slow weight gain. She's such a high-energy baby that she burns more calories than she's getting. She loves to be awake and to move all around her isolette. All of the nurses comment on how active she is. That is truly a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it's great that she has the energy and muscle tone to move so much. On the other hand, it burns calories. Dr. Rose is upping her feeds to 36 cc's and adding fat to her diet in the form of an oil she gets twice a day.

Dr. Rose told us today that if Aerin continues to be as stable as she is now, we'll try dry nursing on Friday. I'll empty my breasts by pumping, then I'll offer Aerin a breast to see if she can latch on. If she can, it'll be very soothing for her. Since the breast is never truly empty, she might get a few drops of milk, which will give her a taste. She has a very strong suck, so we're optimistic about her ability to latch on. This will all be done under the supervision of the NICU lactation consultant and nurse, Beth.

Day 41

Aerin is 32 weeks gestational today and her progress is remarkable. She's now strong enough that she'll pull out any of her tubes, no matter how well they're taped. She's also finding her voice and crying more often. The nurses love it, because it means she's got plenty of energy and lung power. I'm not as happy, because I hate the idea of her having anything to cry about. She doesn't cry very often, really. She has a new way to torment me - she'll give one cry and by the time I get to her, she's either smiling or sleeping.

Her breathing is great - she's still at 21% and 2 liters. She does get bumped up to 25% when she's eating, because of the reflux. She's eating 25 cc's and digesting all of it. I can't believe she's eating 200 cc's per day! She had another very messy diaper and needed another one right when I was changing her. I thought it was adorable, but I think everything she does is adorable. She's getting more beautiful every day. Her eyelashes are finally turning from white to brown.

One product that is a lifesaver is her WubbaNub. The nurses were all atwitter when I brought hers in and they're considering buying them for the NICU. Aerin loves hers (she has the froggy).

Day 40

Aerin had a good day. Her weight is holding steady at 2 pounds, 12 ounces. She's getting 25 cc's with her feeds now, so she'll be packing on the ounces soon. She's still at 2 liters on the Vapotherm and 21% oxygen (room air). She had a blood transfusion yesterday, but Dr. Weisberg felt that her hematocrit still wasn't high enough, so he gave her more blood this evening. I can tell that she's already feeling better.

We introduced her to our good friends, Brandon and Amy, who agreed that she's just adorable. We're so blessed with how supportive and loving our friends have been towards Aerin (and, of course, our families).

Aerin's Social Security card came today, which was kind of exciting. She's got all of her official documents now.

Day 39

Aerin is continuing to do well. She's getting a blood transfusion this evening, which always makes her feel better. She'll get her bath afterward and I think she'll enjoy it much more. Her oxygen is still in the 20s and they might try her on the cannula again this weekend. She might do better with it after the transfusion. She hasn't had any bradys since they started treating her reflux, thank G-d. She'll get an eye test next week and she might try a bottle.

Day 38

Aerin had a fine day. She's holding at 24 cc's per feeding and is getting by at near room-level oxygen. She'd weighed in 0.8 oz. lighter this evening, but slight drops like this one often follow big weight gains like yesterday's. She's also an overnight guest in NICU A this evening, as they are waxing the floor in NICU B.

Would you care to learn some fascinating Henrico Doctor's Hospital NICU history? NICU B used to be the Progressive Care Nursery (PCN). This was before NICU A, formerly known as the NICU, burst at the seams. The PCN moved to the third floor, leaving room for NICU expansion. So the PCN is one step ahead of Aerin, for now, but not for long.

Sadly, Uncle Daniel departs for home in NYC tomorrow. It's always great having him here.

Day 37: Later

Aerin weighs in this evening at an awesome 2 lbs., 11.1 oz.

Day 37

We got good news today - Aerin's PICC line is out! Finally! Even though she didn't get an infection from this one, I still hated every minute she had it in there. This means that the doctors are confident that she's stable enough not to need food or meds through a central line.

As if that weren't enough good news - she's now getting 24 cc's at each feed. She hasn't had any reflux issues since they spaced out her feedings and started her on the Reglan, so they're confident in bumping her up. She's digesting everything beautifully - no residuals (leftover milk in her stomach) at all.

Aerin's Uncle Daniel (Andrew's brother) came to see her from New York City and she put on a show for him that was beyond adorable - smiling and sticking out her tongue and waving her arms all around.

Day 36: Later

Aerin had a great day today, thank goodness. She didn't have any brady episodes and did so well on her oxygen that they decided to try her on the regular cannula again. I could have told them that it wasn't the time after her day yesterday. She did better than she has the last 2 times they tried, but she's just not ready yet. She's on the very lowest setting of the Vapotherm.

Her reflux is much better with the longer feeds. They starting her on Reglan for the reflux because they are going to increase her to 22 cc's by tomorrow! Coincidentally, I am also taking Reglan to increase lactation.

Today is bath day - the best day of the week.

Day 36: Early

I just spoke with Aerin's night nurse, Lisa. Aerin is doing much better with the longer feeding. I'm so glad something so simple did the trick. I'll sleep better now.

Day 35: Five Weeks Old

Aerin is 5 weeks old today. She had a somewhat uneven day. She's having some reflux, which causes her to have short brady episodes during or right after her feeds. Fortunately, those are her only symptoms - she's digesting everything beautifully, no vomiting, coughing, excessive crying, or weight loss. It's very common for preemies (and term babies) to have reflux issues, but I wish she didn't. They are feeding her over 90 minutes, rather than 45, which should help a lot. Luckily, they won't stop her feeds for reflux, they'll just give her medication. That way, she'll continue to gain weight. I still hate when she bradys, but it's good to know why it's happening and that it can be treated. The doctors and nurses aren't worried, which is always a good thing.

Otherwise, she slept for most of the day. She woke up briefly when Andrew kangarooed her, but fell right back to sleep. She also woke up when I changed a very messy diaper.

Day 34

Aerin is up to 2 pounds, 10 ounces. She's a little more than 15 inches long, which is almost 2.5 inches longer than she was at birth. I'm thrilled with how quickly she's growing.

She had a mostly good day. She did have one brief brady, but came right out of it. Otherwise, she's still in the 20's with her oxygen.

I got to cradle her today for the first time. I have to take a break from kangarooing because of some possible breastfeeding issues, but they still wanted me to be able to hold her. She's big enough now that she can be swaddled and taken out of her isolette for short periods of time. I held her for 30 minutes and I couldn't take my eyes off her. It was the first time I got to examine her face up close. I've only been able to look at her through the isolette and you can't get that close. Plus, you can't see her at all during kangaroo care. I really love being able to do "normal" things with her and I've dreamed of cradling her for so long. She was pretty happy and looked around before falling asleep. I hated to put her back.

Day 33

So far, so good. There aren't any real changes with her oxygen and she's tolerating her feeds beautifully. They're going to hold her at 18 cc's and add 2 calories per ounce of breast milk. It's working really well - Aerin's up to 2 pounds, 10 ounces!

Tonight Aerin had a nurse she's never had before - Shannon. We talked about Aerin for quite a while and Shannon remarked that she's just flying through her development. Andrew and I are just so eager for her to come home that we forget how remarkable her progress has been. Most preemies born at 26 weeks and weighing what Aerin did are still intubated at her age, have had at least 1 surgery, have apnea and/or brady episodes once a day or more, and are struggling to put on weight. Aerin has had a very benign course, thank G-d. We want her to sprint to the finish line, so it's hard to keep in mind that she's jogging where most crawl (so to speak).

Yesterday Andrew and I walked into the NICU to find a wonderful surprise - Aerin was wearing clothes! She's big enough to be off the temperature probe, so she can wear clothing. We have a micropreemie ensemble for her that was a gift from our dear friends, Jim, Amy, and Emily Anne. It so exciting to see her in clothing - it's a tangible sign of how well she's doing.

Day 32

Aerin still hasn't gone over 30% oxygen! She's getting good sleep, which is essential to her growth. Her bilirubin is slowly creeping back up, so she may have to go under the lamp again. No one is surprised and I'm not upset about it. She's comfortable under the lamp, especially now that she's big enough that the eye shades fit her properly (they were much too big when she was born).

Some of you may have noticed that Aerin is in a different isolette. She has "graduated" from the Giraffe, which is bigger than the one she's in. She isn't intubated and only has one line and her g-tube, which is much less equipment than the less stable babies. The g-tube has been switched from her mouth to her nose. She kept spitting and pulling it out of her mouth and she hates having it put back in. She won't be able to pull it out of her nose, which will mean less stress for her. Also, some people have asked why her cannula is so tight across her face. That is partly because her cheeks have filled out, but mostly because it has to be tight to keep the prongs in her nose. It's not painful or uncomfortable for her and it keeps the prongs in.

Today is bath day again. Tuesdays and Fridays are my favorite days of the week.

Day 31

Sorry about the late post - yesterday was Yom Kippur. Aerin had yet another good day. Her oxygen percentage didn't go above 30 for the entire day, which makes 4 days in the 20s. They're trying her on a regular cannula later today. The first 2 times didn't go that well, but I think she might be ready now (I knew she wasn't the first times). We'll see.

Aerin now weighs in at 2 pounds, 9 ounces! Her feeds are up to 16 cc's. She'll go back up to 20 by the end of this week, but not farther than that. Once she's tolerating 20, they'll just add calories to the breast milk so she'll continue to gain weight.

Day 30

Incredibly, Aerin didn't go higher than the 20's in her oxygen percentage all day today. Even when we took her out of her isolette for kangarooing, she didn't need to go higher. That's amazing, considering that the transfer can be a bit stressful. She gets hiccups for the first minute or so of kangarooing, which is just adorable. It's completely normal and helps to strengthen her diaphram.

We did kangaroo care a bit differently today. Aerin's nurse, Lisa, put the chair in a reclining position and I laid down with her. It was extra nice for me because I felt her weight and movements so much more. Aerin was very unhappy to be put back in her isolette when I had to pump and cried a little. Lisa was thrilled that she has the energy and lung power to cry the way she did. It is still upsetting for me when she cries, but it no longer sends me to the verge of hysteria.

Dr. Dhande stopped by briefly to tell me how pleased he is with Aerin's progress. She'll go up to 14 cc's with her feeds this evening.

Day 30: One Month Old!

Aerin is one month old today! She celebrated by needing a very low percentage of oxygen - room air most of the time and going up to 12 cc's with her feeds.

Day 29: Part 2

Bath time was great - I felt more confident this time. Aerin's nurse, Jennifer, showed me a new way to wash her hair. We swaddled her in a blanket and took her out of the isolette. Then I held her in a football hold and washed her hair with a baby brush. She loved it and I loved holding her like that. I really liked having Andrew there and he did a great job of capturing everything on film (we're still trying to figure out how to get video footage online). After her bath, I got to kangaroo her, which is always sublime. Jennifer told me that a mother's body will adjust to whatever temperature will benefit the baby - if the baby is cold, the mother will warm up and if the baby is warm, the mother will cool down. I know that there are some who will say that this is biology, but they're wrong - it's mothers' love.

Aerin is up to 2 pounds, 5 and 1/3 ounces!

Andrew and I often talk quietly while I kangaroo Aerin, as we did this evening. The things that most new parents are starting to find tedious by the time their babies are one month old are fantastic for us. Giving Aerin a bath is the highlight of our week and we're thrilled when she has poopy diapers (it means that her digestive system is working like it should). We know how special these things really are. And in some ways, it'll be easier for us when we bring Aerin home. We'll know what we're doing, because the NICU nurses are such good teachers and they really encourage us to be involved in her care.

Today we said good-bye to Aerin's New York City grandma, Rita Marx. We had a great visit and can't wait to see her next month!

Day 29

Aerin has been breathing room air (21% oxygen) off and on for most of the day! Her blood gas was very good and her bilirubin was low enough that she came off the lamp. That is so much faster than it would have been on the biliblanket. She's up to 11 cc's with her feedings.

I am going to give her another bath this evening and Andrew is planning to watch for the first time.

Day 28: Later

I just got back from the hospital - I just wanted to spend some more time with my baby girl. It's so hard being separated from her. Leaving the hospital is awful - it's like that old song, "Every time we say good-bye, I die a little..." I always thought that song was overly sentimental, but now it describes exactly how I feel.

Aerin is doing so well. She slept the entire time I was there, except when Jennifer, her night nurse, and I did her care (diaper change, temperature check, eye drops, etc.). I did the diaper change and temp, which I always do when I am there. I have mastered the art of making a regular preemie diaper fit my micro-preemie (lots of intricate folding). She was pretty happy to get the eye drops and opened her eyes wide and smiled - it was so adorable. She's back up to 2 pounds, 4 ounces and is taking 8 cc's per feeding.

Day 28: 4 Weeks Old

Aerin celebrated her 4-week birthday by having her best respiratory day, ever. Her Vapotherm was turned down to 2 liters and she went all the way down to 21% oxygen at one point. That's room air! This is a very good sign - it means that she's closer to being off any supplemental oxygen.

Her feedings are up to 8 cc's with no problems.

She's still under the bililight, but she'll get another blood gas tomorrow morning and they'll check her bilirubin level.

I kangarooed her for about an hour today and she was mad when she had to go back in her isolette. She didn't cry, but she made a face like, "I am not happy with this turn of events." Then she fell asleep.

March of Dimes

The March of Dimes is an organization that is very special to Andrew and me. Their Prematurity Campaign is so important, not just to our family, but to the families of the 500,000 infants born prematurely each year. We've set up a band for Aerin in the MoD bandingtogether program, whereby people can make contributions in her name. We hope you'll consider donating to the cause.

Day 27

Today Aerin is 30 weeks gestational and she had a good day. She's still in the 30's on the Vapotherm and her feeds are up to 5 cc's. Her stomach x-ray was great. The plan is to bump her up 1 cc every 3 feeds. She's still under the bililight, but she's comfortable enough to sleep all day and night.

I got to hold her for about 2 hours today! It was bliss. She had a brief bradycardia while I was holding her. It was so fast that her alarm didn't even have a chance to ring off and she brought herself right out of it. One of the nurses, Chris, said that she was just so relaxed being kangarooed that she forgot to breathe for a second. Aerin's day nurse, Debbie, showed me a new kangaroo technique. The old method is me sitting in a chair and the nurse taking her out of the isolette and handing her to me. With the new method, I lift her out of the isolette and put her to my chest and sit down with her. It's a new method that the nurses just learned in their latest clinic. The idea is that it takes less time for the babies to settle down and I can tell you that it works. Aerin didn't even open her eyes when I picked her up and put her to my chest. She snuggled right down and her stats stayed exactly the same. I love this method because it gives me the most hands-on time with her and because it's such a normal thing for a mother to do with her baby - pick her up out of her bed and hold her.

Day 26

Aerin is even better today. Her feedings resumed at 3 cc's. So far, so good. She'll go up to 4 cc's tomorrow morning if things continue to go well. Her cultures from Thursday are still negative, which means that there is definitely no infection! Her bilirubin is up again, so she's back on phototherapy. I asked Dr. Falterman to put her under the bililight, rather than the biliblanket. It was funny - he told me that he thought he was going to have to talk me into the bililight. Aerin doesn't mind the eye mask, but she just can't get comfortable on the biliblanket. She's much happier on a soft mattress, with her sheepskin and blanket, than on the hard, plastic light panel. Also, the bililight works much faster. I'd rather her be on the bililight for a couple of days than be on the blanket for a week.

Today was a big day - Aerin's paternal grandmother, Rita Marx, came to visit from New York City, it was the first time Andrew got to hold her, and the first time she wore her own hat. It was just wonderful for me to see Aerin being held by her Daddy. She settled right down and seemed to really enjoy it. She looked so cute in her hat, which is still a little big on her. The hat was a gift from our dear friends: Jim, Amy, and Emily Anne.

Day 25: Part 2

The transfusion really made Aerin feel better. She's breathing much easier and her oxygen percentage is back in the 20's and 30's. She looks a lot better, too.

Despite being off feedings, she didn't lose any weight. She's still at 2 pounds, 3 ounces. She will probably start back on feeds tomorrow morning, after the doctors get together to make their report.

Aerin has graduated from peewee diapers to preemie diapers. They're huge on her, but the peewees just weren't doing the job. She might be allowed to start wearing hats, too. It'll be a while before we can dress her, though.

I got to give Aerin a bath for the first time. We both loved it! I was a bit nervous, but Aerin's nurse, Natalie, was beside me the entire time. She assured me that I did great. It was just a sponge bath, but I did use real infant soap. Aerin was awake and alert the entire time and she didn't get stressed out at all. She frowned a bit when I washed her back, but she cheered up when I washed her hair. She was so happy to be shampooed that I swear she smiled. She has never looked more adorable and that's saying something. It was such a joy to be able to bathe her that I'm still walking on air.

Day 25: One Step Back...

Aerin is taking a step backward - they are putting in another PIC line. Her latest x-ray showed that there was dilation in one of her bowel loops again. It resolved itself by her next x-ray, but the doctor doesn't feel comfortable keeping her on such high feedings. She'll need the line for the nutrients that they have to give her so she'll continue to grow. The doctor doesn't think it's NEC, which is the one to worry about. He thinks it's just that she's having motility issues because her bowels are immature.

She's also getting a blood transfusion because she's anemic, which is very common in young preemies. Other than that, she's fine. In fact, her breathing is actually much better than it was. She's on a lower percentage of oxygen and she hasn't had any apnea episodes.

We're disappointed, but not overly upset. Dr. Fraker assured us that the PIC line will come out once she's back on full feeds, which will hopefully be later this week. They're going to start them back much more slowly than they did before.

This is prophylactic medicine - they're not treating anything that's acute, they're just taking preventative measures. I'm glad about that - it will keep Aerin on a benign course.

Day 24: Part 2

I am happy to report that Aerin is officially over her NEC scare. She's back on feedings! They started her at 10 cc's and she's tolerated them beautifully. They'll bump her up 5 cc's every 3 feedings until she's back to 20 cc's.

She had a good day. She had one very brief apnea episode, which the nurse thinks was from reflux. It's a big change for a tiny baby to go from no food to 10 cc's, so some reflux is to be expected. She was a little warm in the afternoon, so the nurse turned her isolette temperature down. That ended up making her too cool to be held today. Andrew is going to try tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing Aerin being held by her Daddy for the first time.

They monitor Aerin's temperature so closely that even a tenth of a degree change is noticed. When I say that she was warm, I mean that she was about .1 of a degree warm. She didn't have a fever or anything like that. She was about .2 of a degree cool, but they don't want to take any chances. Preemies are extremely sensitive to temperature changes.

Day 24

Aerin is sleeping peacefully. She had a good night - no episodes at all and she was even down to 25% oxygen at some point. She's at 38% now, which is still a significant improvement. She seems to be adjusting to the shift from the Aminophylline to caffine. Her bilirubin is up a bit, but they're not putting her back on the biliblanket for now. I asked her nurse (Michelle today) to request that they put her under the bililight if she needs more phototherapy. Since she has to wear an eye mask either way, I really think she'll be more comfortable - the biliblanket is not very comfortable.

We'll know the results of the latest stomach x-ray later today. The doctors haven't said anything to the nurse yet, which is a good sign. If it was bad, they'd have read it in-depth immediately and issue new orders. As usual, no news is good news.

Andrew and I will be going to a support group meeting that they hold in the hospital every first and third Thursday of every month. We went to one last month (it was on the day I was discharged and I was a wreck) and found it very helpful.

Day 23: Part 2

Aerin had an uneven day today. We got a heart-stopping call from the hospital informing us that they were stopping her feedings because her stomach x-ray showed that there was some dilation in one of the loops of her bowel. Her stomach had looked a bit distended, which is why the x-ray had been ordered. The doctor thought it might be NEC, even though she didn't have any other symptoms and her CBC was fine. However, between the phone call and the time Andrew and I got to the hospital, Aerin had made an epically huge poop. She filled up 2 diapers in under a minute. Even the nurse described it as "disgusting." Afterward, her stomach was much less distended and her x-ray was almost completely normal and her bowel sounds were vastly improved. The doctors and nurses are almost certain that it's not NEC and her feedings will resume tomorrow if her morning x-ray is normal.

As if that weren't enough, Aerin had 2 quick A&B (apnea and bradycardia) episodes while we were there. They were over so fast that we didn't even have time to get scared. The nurses weren't worried - it's normal for small preemies to have As and Bs (as they refer to them). If she was having 3 an hour, that might be cause for alarm. Aerin has had 3 total in her life, which is pretty remarkable. She's been fine since the episodes and is sleeping peacefully. She's finally off the biliblanket, so she's much more comfortable.

Aerin's grandmother (my mother), Elizabeth Gardner, went home today. She came up the week before Aerin was born, when they thought I was going to deliver. She has been a wonderful source of loving support, both before and after Aerin's birth. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been here, taking care of the house and fixing all of our meals and running all of our errands and doing everything else we needed so that Andrew and I could concentrate all our energy on Aerin. She hasn't even been gone for one day and we already miss her so much.

Day 23

Aerin decided to start the new year off right. She is all the way up to 2 pounds, 5.39 ounces! Her sodium is up and her bilirubin is down, which means that she may be able to come off the biliblanket. Her oxygen percentage is in the 30s, which is great.

Day 22: Shana Tova

Aerin had a great Rosh Hashanah. She's getting 24 extra calories with her feedings. The doctors don't want to give her any more than 20 cc's of milk because she's so small, but they want her to gain even more weight. She was 2 pounds, 3 ounces as of yesterday (she hasn't been weighed yet today). Her sodium is low again, so they're giving her another supplement. She got a head ultrasound yesterday and it was completely normal. She'll get them every two weeks or so, which is routine for preemies.

Happy 5766!

Three Weeks Old!

Aerin is 3 weeks old today. She is doing so well that the doctors have decided to reduce her treatments again. Instead of the Aminophylline, she'll be on caffine to prevent apneas. They tried her on the nasal cannula, but she didn't like it, so she went back on the Vapotherm. I knew she wasn't ready for the cannula. Her sodium is low, so they're giving her supplements. They don't want to bump up her feedings any more, because she's getting so much for such a tiny baby, so they're going to put caloric supplements in the milk so she'll gain weight at a good pace.

She was loving her binky today - she sucked on it for about an hour during a feeding. She'll be ready when it's time to nurse in about 5 weeks.

Her nurse today was Sarah, who was at her birth and hasn't seen her since. She was amazed at how well Aerin is doing - it's truly wondrous that she's only on a Vapotherm and that she's eating 20 cc's.

Day 20: Part 2

Aerin continues to do well. Her gestational age is 29 weeks today. She is maintaining her weight of 2 pounds, 2 ounces and breathing oxygen in the 30's.

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but every day Aerin receives Theophylline or Aminophylline (the difference is delivery - one goes through her PIV and the other goes through her Vapotherm). She's gotten it since the day she was born. It keeps her from having apnea episodes (i.e. helps her remember to breathe). I'm just so glad that they have this medication available - our family owes so much to medical technology.

I want to thank everyone who has been reading and commenting on this blog. Your comments are very special to Andrew and me and we plan to save them to show Aerin some day. It encourages us to think of all the people who love our baby girl. I am sorry that we can't respond to everyone individually, but we just don't have the time. Special thanks to Anne (kq), Alan A., Jenna, Anna, Tracy (Farmgirl), Kwea and JenniK, Breyerchic, shelly, Amy, Jim & Emily Anne, Jim Lamb, Wendybird, Rabbi Shapiro, and Big Momma.

On another note - happy birthday to Aunt Cara (aka Cara Phillips), who has been my best friend since high school. We can't wait until she gets to meet Aerin.

Day 20

Aerin had a great night. The x-ray of her stomach came back completely normal. I knew there wasn't anything wrong with it, but I'd rather have over-cautious doctors than otherwise. She's up to 20 cc's of milk over 2 hours.

Day 19: Part 2

I got to hold Aerin for a full 30 minutes today. She settled down immediately and it was fantastic. Dr. Seguira said she's "doing great." She's up to 19 cc's with her feedings. They're being given over 2 hours because it's such a lot of food for such a little baby.

I thought I might be coming down with a cold, so I wore a mask today. You're allowed in the NICU if you have a cold, as long as you don't have a fever (which I did not). Obviously, I asked the doctors before I went to the hospital.

Day 19

Aerin had a great night. Her oxygen is in the 30's and she's up to 18 cc's with her feedings. She settled into her new spot nicely.

She weighs 2 pounds, 2 ounces!

Day 18: Part 2

I got to hold my sweet baby girl for the first time today. Aside from her birth, it was the best moment of my life. I cannot truly describe how wonderful it was (and since I'm very tired, I'm not going to attempt to try right now).

Aerin is doing well. She did not get a transfusion today. Her hematocrit was borderline, so the doctor wants to give her a chance to resolve the anemia by herself. She's back on the Vapotherm. I'm glad about that - I didn't think she was ready to be on a regular cannula. Her feedings are now up to 17 cc's!

She was moved from NICU A to NICU B. They just needed to even up the unit and they chose to move Aerin because she is the most stable baby in NICU A.

Day 18: Kangaroo Care

Aerin is anemic, so she's getting another blood transfusion today. That is normal for preemies (full-term babies get anemic, too, but they're able to resolve it themselves without medical intervention). She's back on the Vapotherm, on a very low pressure and oxygen percentage. I had a feeling that she wasn't quite ready for a regular cannula.

Today is a very big day for us - I might get to hold her! As long as she's stable when we get to the NICU, I'll be allowed to do 30 minutes of Kangaroo Care. I am beside myself with excitement.

Two Pounds!!!

We just called the hospital to check on Aerin before going to sleep. Neither Andrew nor I can sleep until we know how she's doing. Aerin's nurse gave us some big news: Aerin weighs 2 pounds!

There's more big news. Aerin was moved down from the Vapotherm to a regular nasal cannula. This means that she is getting very little help breathing - she's getting a lower percentage of oxygen with lower pressure.

This is really astonishing progress and we're very pleased. To tell the truth, though, I'm somewhat overwhelmed - she's taking such big steps so quickly.

Day 17

Aerin's feedings and weight are both increasing. She's up to 14 cc's today and she'll go up to 16 cc's tomorrow morning. As of this morning, she weighs 1 pound, 15.7 ounces. We're so close to 2 pounds.

If she continues to tolerate her feedings as well as she has been, she won't need a PIC or a PIV line. Those are used to deliver nutrients and she's getting all she needs from my milk. Those lines can be sources of infection, so we're very pleased. Since she's getting so much milk and she's so little, she gets it over the course of an hour. She gets a binky during her feedings (if she wants it) so that she can learn to associate sucking with filling her tummy. She's very good at sucking, which bodes well for the time when she'll be able to nurse. That won't be for another month or so. Nursing involves sucking, swallowing, and breathing at the same time, which is too much for a young preemie.

She's down to 2 liters on the Vapotherm, which is extremely low. She's back on the biliblanket, but since she gets to be in a snuggli, she doesn't mind.

Sweet 16: Part 2

Aerin's PIC line has come out. She has a PIV line instead. This is because the PIC line was likely the site of the infection. They will put another PIC line in in a few days.

She has grown from her birth length of 12.75 inches to 14 inches. It looks like she'll take after her father in height (he's 6'5''). Her weight is stable at 1 pound, 15 ounces.

Once again, Aerin was very stimulated. Having one line removed and another put in was a lot of excitement for her. Once again, I had to whisper because she gets worked up when she hears my voice.

Sweet 16

Aerin is doing quite well. She was downgraded to the Vapotherm from the CPAP. All of her stats are good and she's only requiring 25% oxygen. To give you an idea of how good that is - you and I breathe 21% oxygen (referred to as "room air").

She is up to 11 cc's with her feedings and is digesting everything like a champ. She's still on the biliblanket, but she may go off it when she finishes her antibiotics.

She was very stimulated yesterday, so much so that I wasn't allowed to talk to her or keep her isolette cover open. She got a bed bath and had 2 diaper and bed changes in 3 hours. That is much, much more stimulation than a preemie her age normally gets. It had to be done, but it took her a long time to go back to sleep. Over-stimulation (from light, sound, and too much touching) can be harmful to preemies and needs to be avoided. Usually, when Aerin hears my voice, she calms down. Yesterday, she heard me and got very excited (all her numbers went up, which is not dangerous, but not helpful, either). She had her eyes wide open for almost the entire time I was there. She loves to look around, even though she can only see shadows at this point. She finally closed her eyes and drifted off when I left. She's been sleeping today, which is great. She's got to get plenty of rest so that she can get to 2 pounds this week.

Day 15: 1 Pound, 15 Ounces

Aerin continues to do well. She's up to 9 cc's with her feedings and might be bumped up to 10 later today. Her weight is up to 1 pound, 15 ounces. She's just 1 ounce away from 2 pounds! Dr. Seguira is considering taking her off the CPAP and putting her back on the Vapotherm because she's doing so well. We'll find out after he does his next assessment of her.

It turns out that I'm allergic to the scrub soap in the NICU. Dr. Rose has given me premission to scrub with another kind of soap that they have in there and gave me some A&D ointment, which worked wonders.

Two Weeks Old!

Aerin is 2 weeks old today! It's hard to believe. She had her first excellent blood gas last night and her feedings are being bumped up to 7 cc's this afternoon and 9 cc's tonight. She'll be on the biliblanket for a couple more days, at least. Dr. Seguira (who was at her birth, btw) wants to keep it on while she's receiving her antibiotics. Since it's not uncomfortable for Aerin, I don't mind in the least. It's so much more benign that the bililight.

Our family also has another, smaller milestone today: I am allowed to drive again. It's great to have my independence back and it's easier for Andrew to get his work done without having to plan around my schedule. He has been fantastic throughout my entire difficult pregnancy, the bedrest, and Aerin's birth. We've been married for almost 5 years, and I've never loved him more.

Something is up with the index and we're not sure what. It's at the very bottom of the page for some reason and we have no idea how it got there or how to fix it. Please bear with us, as we probably won't get around to fixing it for a while (or at all). We're kind of hoping it'll fix itself.

Special thanks to my friend Sarah Townsend, who hand-knitted 2 gorgeous hats for Aerin. We can't wait until she's big enough to wear them.

Day 13: More Improvement

Aerin looks great. It turns out she has a staph infection and the doctors nipped it in the bud. She's on antibiotics and will be for the next week. They restarted her feedings and she has digested everything quite well.

The big news is that Aerin gained an ounce and a half. She currently weighs in at 1 pound, 14.5 ounces.

The CPAP is held onto her face with a hat. It's very comfortable for her, which is the important thing, but it looks utterly adorable.

Day 13: Improvement

Aerin had a much better night and hasn't had any more apnea episodes since yesterday afternoon. She was taken off the Vapotherm and put on a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) ventilator. She's still on the biliblanket until we get the results of her latest blood gas. She slept all night long and has slept peacefully through the morning.

Day 12: Bump in the Road

Today was our first bad day. Aerin had a number of apnea episodes, one of which was accompanied by bradycardia (slow heart rate). This is not at all unusual in preemies, but since she hasn't had more than a few of these episodes since she was born, the doctors are taking some precautions. Dr. Seguira described his treatments as "prophylactic medicine," which means that he is just taking precautions, not treating anything acute.

Her hematocrit was low, so they decided to do a blood transfusion. They are also stopping her feedings for now, in case she is reacting to reflux. They'll most likely resume them on Monday. They're starting her on antibiotics, on the off chance that she has an infection. We won't get her cultures back for 48 to 72 hours. Lastly, they're starting her on Lasix. She's still on the biliblanket, but we're hopeful she'll be able to come off of it tomorrow.

Aerin slept through all of this, which is certainly a blessing. Andrew and I are somewhat worried, but we're confident in the doctors and nurses and we know that this is just a bump in the road of Aerin's recovery.

Night 1 Remembered

Over Aerin's first night in the world, I slept in the hospital room with Kira. She was recovering from the surgery, of course. We were happy to see Aerin have such a great first day, but the warnings of the neonatologist just prior to her birth were still with me. He described Aerin's road as "long and rocky." While half-asleep, I recalled Sam's words to Frodo in The Two Towers:

I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Day 11

Aerin's umbilical stump fell off yesterday. We're not sure if she's an innie or an outie because of the umbilical lines.

She's tolerating the biliblanket fairly well. She's a bit more squirmy than usual, but that is partly because she's not in a snuggli. She is incredibly strong - she pushes herself up with her arms and arches her back so that she almost rolls over. It's really astounding, even the nurses are amazed.

Her feedings were increased again. She's up to 5 cc's every 3 hours. She gained another 1/3 of an ounce, which brings her up to 1 pound, 13.66 ounces.